Living and thriving solo...sort of...

Mine and Abby's stunt doubles

Hello out there in cyber land! I'm here and I haven't forgot about my handful of followers. (Although I'm sure when y'all saw I had a new post on my blog y'all thought, 'Oh yeah, she does that.') ;-)

Yes I still DO that...from time to time. Haven't in a while because I've been a bit busy...but that's okay! Thought I would take this opportunity to catch y'all up with what I have been busy with. :-))

First of all, I got a new job! (I have two but this new, new one is one that I'm pretty proud of.) I work with a VERY nice and sweet lady named Donna Hughes at her company called Lone Star Portfolio Advisors. Donna is a broker and deals with commodities like cattle, hogs, wheat, and cotton. (I know this because these are some of the midday reports I have been printing out for her this past week.) Futures, securities, and hedging is also in the mix but...I'm still trying to figure those out! I've been there for two weeks and so far so good! LOTS to learn but I'm ready and up for the challenge! (Oh this reminds me, I need to google what 'bear' and 'bull' mean again. Donna explained but I get the two animals confused. I know one means something like aggressive and the other not so aggressive but when I think of them both, those animals are both pretty aggressive! Oooh Google....I need you to hang out with me for a while.)

 I've also been busy with school here lately. Well, lately, as in, the past two weeks. I started my new, new job the same day classes started. *Sigh...the joys of having to take allllllllll of your damn classes over because they DID NOT TRANSFER OUT OF STATE!!! (Punch in the stomach to the point it brings on tears every time I think of it) Yup, all my chemistry, maths, AP, microbiology classes...stayed in Oregon. (Along with the rain. And pretty scenery. And my cute and funny niece and nephew. :-/) Well, what happened was Oregon has four semesters in a year, Texas has three. So when my 5 credit chemistry classes tried to transfer they only were worth 3.25 credits here...not enough. Okay...I'll do them again. Whatever it takes right?? Whatever it takes to get my degree in Dental Hygiene...Maid of the mouth!

Yes that's me...this is all I can afford on my small budget. :-)

And this brings me to ANOTHER thing that has been keeping me busy...moving into a new house. Seems as though as I have forgotten how to live by myself. This morning I woke up to find that I had left my keys in the side door. Haven't figured out which is worse...leaving my keys in the door over night or just leaving both of my doors unlocked...as I did the other night as well. :-/

 I've decided there are some pros and cons to living alone...

PROS:

1. I get the entire bed to myself...minus Abby's spot at the foot of the bed and that's really not too bad since I'm only 5'3"...I don't take up too much room.

2. I can face all of my labels in my cabinets and medicine cabinets FORWARD without people making fun of me and pointing. (I hate pointing) (BTW: I don't eat tuna from a can...only raw in sushi. My Aunt Marie claims I'm from Mars. I guess.)

 

3. Lots of 'ME TIME'. Therapeutic. If I want to dance in my undies to any song I wish...I can...and do. Abby doesn't mind. Or point. Finger issues.

4. I can drink my dinner if I wish.

  5. If I feel like spending THREE HOURS in the bathroom doing 'girlie things'...I can. Girlie things: Pluck eyebrows. Apply masks made of aspirin and honey (look it up...it's awesome!). Apply tan from a can. Try a new hair style only to end up with the same damn one. Reorganize your perfume bottles. Polish your toenails for the third time this week. Color hair. Use whitening strips on your teeth and then inspect them for 10 minutes after they come off. Try to decide what color to paint the bathroom. (Right now it looks like Tiffany blue and white...we'll see.) GIRLIE STUFF. AND I can do all of this without someone knocking on the door asking the question: "What the hell are you doing in there??"

Okay, I have found out that there are also some cons to living alone. :-/

Here they be....

1. Killing bus and spiders. I haven't seen a lot but still...when I do, I freeze. I have a huge fear of them and I know it's pathetic but I can't help it. They scare the crap out of me. Seriously. 

2. Leaving my keys in the door OR just simply leaving my doors unlocked. My neighborhood is a very nice neighborhood so I GUESS I just forget to take care of these things. I guess I just feel extremely comfortable because I have ALWAYS been the exact opposite with locking my doors at night (I used to check at least twice to make sure I locked them)...leaving the keys in the door, not so much...bad habit. 

3. I get the entire bed. Yes this is a Pro but also a Con too. I love my alone time but still get lonely. Ummm...yeah. 

 4. I like to watch scary movies but yet have watched one in my new house. I know that once I do, I will be convinced my house is either haunted, someone is stalking me, someone died in my house, or tried to break in. I will be hearing noises left and right and when you hear a noise...tough shit...guess who's checking it out. Yours truly. This reminds me of an idea I have. I think they should have an additional rating in the rating system to movies. It should be something like SG. SG = Single Girl...as in, "You-see-this-movie-single-girl-who-is-going-home-to-a-dark-house...alone, you-will-hear-all-kinds-of-noises-for-the-next-two-weeks-be-scared-to-wash-your-face-in-the-shower-and-see-things-out-of-the-corner-of-your-eye" rating.

So, yeah...learning to live solo again has been quite an experience BUT it's all worth it. I'm enjoying it. Oh yeah and I figured this out as well...

  

When you say mom, I say grandma.

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.  ~Oprah Winfrey

Stella Mae

As most of you know, my grandma Stella raised me. I moved to Canadian, Tx at the age of 10. I was so nervous to go to school in Canadian. I remember my Gma's special way to make me feel better...she took me to Dairy Queen, bought us some ice cream, and we took a drive out to Lake Marvin. My Gma knows. 

 

Of course this didn't stop the kids at school from making fun of my new living situation...er...OUR new living situation. I remember one day coming home from my new school all upset because a boy had said to me, 'Well, at least I have parents who love me and I don't have to live with my grandparents.' My Gma's remedy? I sat in her lap and she hugged me tight for as long as I wanted. She told me children LOVE to go see their grandparents and I was the lucky one who gets to live with one. My Gma knows. 

And of course we didn't always see eye to eye, but who does all the time? On senior skip day I started to walk out of the house with Daisey Duke cutoffs, a sleeveless white button up top, and of course my bikini on underneath. (We had plans at the river...where I wasn't supposed to go). I'll never forget what Gma said to me, "I don't know where you are going and what y'all are doing today but remember this: There is nothing worse than a lady drunk in public."  'Huh??' is what I thought at the time but to this day I still think of that and how true that is. My Gma knows.

My Gma knows how important it is to provide for her family. She knows how important it is to forgive and forget. She knows people aren't perfect. She knows that for the most part, everybody is doing the best they can. My Gma loves her family dearly and helps everyone she can. This is the lady who raised me and this is the lady I consider as my Mom. I'm proud of her. I love her to no end and I can't imagine my life without her. So to my sweet Gma, I love you so much and thank you for supporting me, loving me, and being my mommy! Happy Mother's Day!!

Finding a job isn't what it used to be!!

Top Ten Interesting Questions I've been Asked On Job Applications (No kidding)

10. Why are manhole covers round?

Are you serious?? Everyone knows manhole covers are round because they roll faster down the street. And what does this have to do with this job??

9. Of all of the politicians out there, what percentage do you find honest?
I'd have to say 100%...but that's just me.

8. Please list your emergency contact.
Emergency contact? Really? What plans do you have for me during our interview??

7. How many planes are currently flying over Colorado?
Ten. No nine.....no twelve. Yes, twelve planes. (7 over Texas, 18 over New York, and 3 over Maine)

6. If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be? Why?

Kumquats, because I giggle every time I hear and say that word.

5. What do you believe is the percentage of the U.S. population that cheats when they fill out their federal tax returns?
ALLLLLLLL of you sons of bitches! No really, maybe 89%.

4. If you could be a super hero, what would you want your superpowers to be?
That superpower that turns water to wine, duh.

3. Are you on food stamps?
Negative.

2. What is your opinion of Mickey Mouse?
Well, for a mouse I find him to be pleasant...ears are a bit big. Wait, Mickey Mouse? WHY the hell am I answering a question about Mickey Mouse on a job app??

And the #1 interesting question I have had to answer while filling out job applications...

1. Is your college GPA reflective of your potential?
WHAT??? Hmmm...no words.

Thy thumb isn't green.

After filling out a lot of job applications this morning, I helped my Gma in her garden. Good Lord, help us. *Disclaimer: I do not have ANY gardening experience. ANY. That means ZEROOOOO.)

Can't figure if this was going to be a good experience or a bad one. One person knows today is the day to start planting vegetables that grow ABOVE ground (as opposed to the ones that grow below ground like beets and squash (those were planted the first of April)) and the other person knows Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's relationship is totally a publicity stunt. "What would you like for me to do??" I asked. "Well, (long pause)....how about sprinkling these green beans in these two rows?" Oh surely I can do that!! I did that beautifully. One bean, two bean, three bean, oh crap I just spilled them all! I honestly felt like I was standing in an operating room with a big ? on top of my head.

  Okay, beans are perfectly placed into their graves, I mean soil beds, so now onto the next project. As I walk up to my Gma to get my next assignment she hands me a dirty quarter she just found in the yard. "Never work for anybody for free." she says to me. "Now I paid you so how about picking up these weeds I've pulled?" Giggle...You got it! This has got to be a little easier, right? She had raked these weeds and dead sticks up into piles as I buried the seeds. I am picking up these piles of leaves, weeds, and sticks and I kid you not, a damn spider crawled up my hand and I let out an "Eeek!" "What's wrong?!!" my Gma asked. "A spider just crawled up my hand!" I said with a labored breath. "Oh good God." is what Green Thumb said as she just walked off. 'WHERE are those gloves they make for this kind of service I'm doing?' I think. I WILL tell you, I continued to pick up 5 different piles of potential spider beds before the morning was over. Shaking a bit, yes, but HEY I did it! I'm not a person who has a green thumb on their torso. But...learning that annual plants last one year and perennial plants last a few years...from my Gma...is worth the dirt under my manicured nails and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Dirt washes off...memories last forever. :-)

It's like finally jumping off the diving board...

Hello there! Come on in…may I offer you a drink? Water, wine, beer…?? Oh, let me introduce myself. My name is Patience. Yup, real name and yes it IS a hard name to live up to! (Especially when calling to complain about something and they ask for my name I sheepishly reply, “Patience.”)
Thanks for checking out my new project…I need a new project like a hole in my head is probably what my Gma is going to say if she reads this. She’s probably right. My new project…er…blog is mainly to keep my friends and family informed in what’s going on in my ‘unboring’ life. The Umbrella Diaries came about when my friend suggested I blog. (Will not name names but her name rhymes with Pangela)  “I WHAT??” I thought. “GROSS!” Little did I know, Pangela has magical powers and pushed that ball into motion… now…I blog. Blogger McBloggerson. Thanks Pangela! I Plove you!

I have always wanted to write a book (and be a writer for SNL). I thought I could write a book of all of my adventures from when I lived in Oregon and appropriately call it The Umbrella Diaries. Okay, let’s start small with a blog and work our way up to a book…that will work! So, naturally I ask my sister what she thought of the idea. (Once again, please don’t ask me for her name..but it DOES rhyme with Pafferty OR Porgan…depends on if you call her by her first or middle name..I PLove you Porgan!) “Love it!” she said, via text. She told me just to do it and do it right away or I’d talk and think myself out of it. Okay…I have been thinking about it and it’s taken me a while to write this first blog. I’m nervous! You know that saying that refers to coming out of your shell?? Well, hopefully this blog will allow me to do just that. I stay in/under my shell…under my umbrella, a lot. With a lot of nerve, a little encouragement from my loved ones, and a few drinks…I should be able to leave my umbrella behind and enjoy the rain! Wait, there’s no rain in Texas. Crap. Well, I’ll think of something…and while I do, enjoy my blog. I would love your comments and feedback as I am sooooo green to this.